Hey, I'm Dating Online!
New York, New York
Before the beginning of a craigslist relationship, who do you think should make the first move – the man or the woman? Now that we are living in the world of gender equality, it shouldn’t really matter if the woman makes the first move, right?
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But surprisingly, I find that there are still people around me who would rather the man makes the first move. And this thinking is not confined to the males alone. Even some females that I know wouldn’t dream of making the first move because they still hold on to the belief that women should be courted, not the other way round.
Of course it’s all very romantic having the guy wooing the craigslist girl. But for those craigslist girls who are still contemplating ‘Should I make the first move?’, do bear in mind that there are also incredibly shy men out there who would rather the fairer sex takes the initiative. Like my brother. It was my sister-in-law who made the first move by inviting him out for movies and badminton games that the relationship was able to progress further. Even if the man is not shy, he may not have love blossoming in his heart to want to ask the woman out. It will then depends on the woman to make the first move to try to ignite his interest and sustain it.
Having said that, I also know of men who would frown upon women being so ‘daring’. One of my ex-colleagues is such a man. He actually became quite mean to a fellow female colleague who made advances towards him by totally ignoring her after a few attempts of asking for a date. He confided in me that he just doesn’t like up front and aggressive craigslist women.
The bottomline is who should make the first move really depends on the character and personality of the person you are interested in. If the target is someone like my brother, the girl would probably be waiting forever if she doesn’t take the initiative. But if the guy is a person like my ex-colleague, he’ll probably be recoiling in horror if the woman doesn’t see the need to be passive.
Lastly, another of my mom’s theory. According to her, it is always easier for a woman to woo a man than for a man to woo a woman, i.e. men will succumb more easily to being wooed than women. Agree?
Apologies; that was rather more antagonistic than necessary. The idea one never gets into the sex trade without being previously saddled with mental/emotional health issues is a pet peeve and tends to trigger my asshole reflex. I do maintain that’s not necessarily the case and think a lot of people’s opposition to sex work as a legitimate profession is due to the fact they find it personally distasteful (in which case, y’know, don’t do it), but I apologize for the excess snark.
I’m with Cackles. A girl having worked as a call girl does not ipso facto make her unsuitable for me. I obviously have a higher tolerance for this kind of thing than other guys. But I’ve hung out with quite a few sex workers over the years and have not found them to be any more unstable than anyone else I know. (Though I’ve never dated one, so I can’t speak to what they’re like in a relationship.)
I listen to a lot of Dan Savage and he regularly has sex workers on his podcast, so that influences my opinion considerably.