AT THE BEHEST OF PERFECTIONISM

What do you think of when you hear New York City? Droves of people? Traffic? Skyscrapers lining every block? Art?

Upon my arrival in New York in 2022, I had preconceived notions about the city's people, environment, and culture. New York can be both overwhelming to visit and challenging to live in, yet its undeniable allure draws thousands of new visitors and residents each year.

Navigating your identity within the city that never sleeps is a shared dilemma for all who call NYC home. The concept of finding your place or leaving a lasting mark mirrors the struggle artists face in their journey of artistic expression. Immersed in an environment that has produced iconic figures in the art world, the pressure to succeed can feel like an overwhelming force, leading artists to lose themselves in the pursuit of inspiration.

Throughout my life, I've been labeled a 'perfectionist'—someone who strives for high standards and seeks approval, often facing significant challenges in completing tasks, particularly in my art and filmmaking endeavors. However, I've come to terms with this tendency and am actively replacing perfectionism with proactive choices to propel myself forward. Sometimes, the only obstacle is oneself.

This film blends personal experiences with artistic expression, intertwining my struggles with perfectionism and my profound love for the city that serves as my daily inspiration. Through unconventional photography styles and a multi-layered storyline, the film remains open-ended, inviting diverse interpretations from its viewers. Your support will not only help bring this unique narrative to life but also contribute to a larger conversation about the complexities of creativity and self-discovery. Join me on this journey of introspection and artistic exploration, and together, let's create something truly meaningful.

All money donated to our production will be used for production and post-production-related expenses. This includes paying our talented actors for their work, arranging transportation for cast and crew, keeping those hardworking peeps well-fed, covering additional equipment expenses, hiring a professional sound designer, and sending the final film to festivals!

Director's Statement

The first time you visit The Big Apple is a moment you will likely never forget. The atmosphere. The people. The noise. The smells. You cannot help but feel overwhelmed yet, at the same time, awestruck. Its allure drew me in, and like so many before me, I came to call New York my home. Having spawned greats in many spaces of art, people come here to seek inspiration and grow as artists. I noticed that, at times, it could be difficult to feel like you know what your place is amongst the sea of eight million souls you coexist within the city that never sleeps. 

As an artist myself, the more I looked, the more I saw that this feeling closely mirrors that of an artist's journey. Trying to find your place as an artist can feel insurmountable. They fall prey to their own ambitions and can, at times, limit themselves because they are so anxious about their art. So what happens when you become so engrossed in finding inspiration that you lose yourself in the process? 

This is the predicament we find filmmaker Constantin Bauer in, struggling with bouts of self-doubt and perfectionism as he is finishing a new film project. He laments that he has lost his way, but his long-time friend, Shaman,  is not so sure. In my personal experience, art can be one of the most difficult things to accomplish and especially accomplish well. At the end of the day, you will have something borne out of your creativity and your hard work. Fear that what you have made is not good enough is a shared experience all artists are familiar with. Overcoming this challenge is never easy but it also does not mean that when you get stuck that you give up. 

This film blends personal experiences with artistic expression, intertwining my struggles with perfectionism and my profound love for the city that inspires me daily. Through experimental photographic styles and a multi-layered storyline, the film remains open-ended, inviting diverse interpretations from its viewers.