"Anger is the best hiding place for any man looking to conceal his pain, sadness and anguish." | bell hooks

IT STAYS WITH US tells the story of a teenage Latino boy who struggles with the grief of devastating loss.

Years after his mother's death, 15 year old Ricky Gomez struggles to live with his reality. The machismo of his world has led him to distance himself from every important relationship in his life, including losing touch with himself. While his father-- perhaps the model macho-- attempts to make a connection, it is his friend Manny who discovers the way back to intimacy with Ricky.

Grief visits all of us. And yet most of us never feel prepared when it does. Many of us may be able to acknowledge our feelings, but the same isn't often true about how many of us are able to interrogate them and discover what they hope to give us. 

This is especially true of men and boys who are often conditioned to believe that anger is the only feeling worth expressing, when it's most often true that men are angry mostly because their other feelings -- like fear or sadness -- aren't welcomed to show up. Machismo has ruined more of us than we'd like to admit. 

I'll never forget early 2009. Months after my son was born and about a year and a half into my marriage and my mom's death, I was carrying more than I had words for. And on a cold Upstate New York night driving down a freeway with a crying newborn in the backseat...it happened. I imploded. I lost control. I pulled over to the shoulder, turned the car off and yelled at my 8 month old son to shut up. After some moments of shock, with narrowed eyes my wife exclaimed, "what's wrong with you?!"

I knew she was right, but I didn't know how to answer the question. 

Over the last decade I've been exploring my feelings. Especially my unpleasant ones like sadness and grief. I've experienced some of their shadows, but also discovered many of their gifts. Over the last 15 years as a dad and a former pastor, I've been responsible for making room for others and their feelings. It's been my responsibilty to be most interested in the fine details of their lives and offer spaces of awareness, discovery and healing.

Stories have been at the forefront of shaping the desires we live with, which ultimately precipate our actions in the world. Why this story? Well, can you imagine another generation of men and young boys who aren't welcomed to show up as their full selves? Can you imagine another generation of men and young boys who believe anger is the only feeling worth expressing? I'd rather not. Instead, I want to imagine a new generation of men and young boys who explore their feelings, embrace their sadness and enjoy their healing.

Would you help us reimagine a new generation?

The truth is, the full budget of this film is more than what we're raising here. But the rest is coming from my own investment. I believe we're doing something special with this story. 

I know time can feel lean and asking for money is not always comfortable. But I don't think that's what we're doing here, not exclusively at least. I believe we're building something bigger; something meaningful. To tell this story well, we believe our standards of production need to be as excellent as the truth we're hoping to explore on the screen. We'll need to pool together our resources.

The magic number here is $22,000. Here's where it's all going:

50% - Cast and Crew
20% - Post-Production
30% - Gear Rentals + Locations

Hitting these numbers will help us feed people well, ensure that everything is nice and tidy legally, and here's the one I'm excited about the most-- have a grief expert on set to help make sure that cast and crew is cared for well. 

We're revving up and everyone's excited about where we are headed. We're in the pre-production phase right now with plans to film before the year is done. We're about $7K into our total budget which helps us to get things started for production. This campaign-- YOU-- will help us get it to the finish line. And we promise, you won't regret being part of this effort!

If we knock the goal for this campaign out the park, here's how we plan to use whatever comes in after our 100%..

$500-$1,000 over -- invest in design marketing for the film. SM graphics, promotions, etc.

$1K-$1,500 over -- invest in more experienced, mature cast

$1,500 and over -- invest in marketing push for the film once it's done and in festivals

A few more ways to help

Follow us on Social Media

I consider it an immense privilege to tell stories and to have you be a part of it would be a dream. Thank you. Be sure to follow my (director) instagram | twitter and/or the film instagram for exclusive content throughout the storytelling journey. 

Spread the word!

Tell a friend to tell a friend that we still here! Whether it's a family gathering, the break room at work or a Friday night with your ice cream-- everyone enjoys a good story. A story that moves us. I think we have something meaningful here. Help us get the word out. Share our social media posts. Share this campaign link. Whatver you can to help get more folks knowing about what we're building together, we encourage you. Do it!

Stay on top of the campaign

We will be using our social media tp push a lot of updates. But we will also be building community through our newsletter. Sign up! And help us get more people in the room. Keep checking in regularly. Pin this tab in your browser!

Why are we using Seed&Spark? It's simple: they get it. We're not just asking for financial partnership, we're building intimate community. A group of visionaries who can imagine a new way foward with good stories leading the way. Thank you. Let's get to work!