It started with grief.

After months of work, I finally had to pass over the stages of bargaining and anger and depression to find my way forward. What was I grieving over? A comedy routine, that I now had to accept would never see the light of day. Why? Because it was about domestic violence.

Now let me be clear: It was funny. I'm not saying I could not make domestic violence work as a bit because it worked. But the thing I absolutely could not get over was the idea of walking into an open mic, where somewhere in the crowd could well be an unsuspecting survivor, out for the first night with her friends after escaping a horrific ordeal, only for me to traumatize her again.

I had been there, in that state where up is down and nothing makes sense and you're left alone to process the loss of what you thought your life would be. No matter how hard I worked the routine, how much I tried to convince myself that I had every right to deal with my experiences on my own terms, I could not ease the guilt I would feel if my processing of trauma made it more painful for someone else.

And with that, I shelved the project altogether.

(What I pictured happening if I ever tried to deliver that routine.)

Years later, the pain of trauma therapy drove me back to my keyboard and I started to write an untitled film project. I found myself searching for exciting scenarios; people on the run, caught in a bisexual love triangle, arguing about their personal lives around a campfire in the woods. A flippy knife was always involved. But then, when I thought to myself, Maybe I should include some of what I'm going through now, all life would evaporate from the story.

If I wanted to write about my experiences, the reasons I was in trauma therapy, I would have to write scenes of abuse. I would have to write a character as my abuser, assessing his motives and working out the realism of his lines. I would, down the line, have to sit in front of a computer screen with a hundred self-tape submissions of men auditioning to be my tormentor.

These thoughts drove me away from my work, drove me further into depression, made me question my entire career as a filmmaker, as an actor. After all, what kind of an artist would I be if I couldn't write about the things I was experiencing?

Two stunning characters whose arcs I missed out on because of how traumatizing it was to watch. 5/10

It was during one of these depressing spirals, while I was trying to decide specifically what this abuser would do to inflict pain upon my character, when I stopped and thought:

Is there really no other way to tell this story? Why am I following a standard that I had no part in creating? A standard that has been perpetuated by people who had never endured, and likely would never endure, the things they wrote onto the screen?

This is what led me to re-think the project altogether.

Out of therapy and my realization came "Trauma Bonded," a six-episode web series in which I would follow three rules for depicting trauma:

1) I would not cast the role of the abuser.

2) I would not show graphic violence.

3) The project must be fun and funny. (Yes, my original comedy routine found its home in the series.)

A hilarious show about difficult topics. 10/10

Not only would these rules make the series accessible to survivors, but they also helped me focus the story on the real issue: the lasting effects of trauma itself.

I was in intensive therapy years after I had last laid eyes on my abuser, because what happened continued to affect me long after the fact. I spent those years in between barely hanging on until a triggering event left me unemployed, crying on my couch for weeks, unable to move.

I wanted my series to reflect this moment, when it feels like you can't possibly move forward, and yet somehow, you find a way.

Beautiful, intricate storytelling, created by a survivor. 12/10

With the help of this crowdfunding campaign and its contributors, we will shoot the series as soon as we are able to do so safely within COVID guidelines. Once the series is finished in post-production, contributors will receive pre-screening links before the project goes on its festival run.

After its festival run, "Trauma Bonded" will be available online for anyone to watch. While crowdfunding is important to make the series possible, it is also important to spread the word and help find an audience for this series, which I hope will continue beyond season one because - and I promise I'm not trying to brag - I have lots more trauma to go around.

FOLLOW

Follow our campaign as "Trauma Bonded" comes to life! It's 100% free, and as the project gains more followers, we earn rewards including products, services, and festival fee waivers, courtesy of Seed & Spark!

CONTRIBUTE AND PLEDGE

You can help make "Trauma Bonded" a reality by making a pledge. We must collect 80% of our crowdfunding goal to keep our funds, and if we exceed our total goal, further contributions will go towards the distribution of the series in festivals around the country. We had so much fun creating various incentives so that you can choose any pledge amount that fits your budget!

No pledge is to small. Every dollar makes a difference in making this series possible.

SPREAD THE WORD

The only way we can reach our goal is by expanding our networks. By sharing this project with others, YOU can help bring it to life.

I started this project, initially, to cope with struggles I was facing in my own life. Now, it has grown into something that I hope will pave the way for other creatives like me to add our narratives to the conversation, which can in turn create lasting change.

By helping us spread the word, you help "Trauma Bonded" find its audience.

Here are some easy-to-share examples. You can post one of these Trauma Tiles (or all of them! Just press and hold or right-click on a computer and select "save image") and either copy-paste the caption or write your own:

Trauma sticks around. Help filmmaker @itschloeburns by supporting her project #TraumaBondedSeries, which highlights survivors of assault and domestic violence who are telling their own stories in media. Join them on @seedandspark: seedandspark.com/fund/trauma-bonded

#TraumaBondedSeries by @itschloeburns is putting a new spin on survivors in film & television. Support them on @seedandspark: seedandspark.com/fund/trauma-bonded so I can watch this show!

I cannot WAIT to see this show! So excited to see survivors like @itschloeburns adding their own stories to media. Support #TraumaBondedSeries on @seedandspark: seedandspark.com/fund/trauma-bonded